Is it the fault of “the third party”?
When a husband or wife is “stolen” by another person, that husband or wife was already ripe for the stealing, was already predisposed toward a new partner. The “love bandit” was only taking what was waiting to be taken, what wanted to be taken.
Most of us, when young, had the experience of a sweetheart being taken from us by somebody more attractive and more appealing. At the time, we may have resented this intruder---but as we grew older, we recognized that the sweetheart had never been ours to begin with. It was not the intruder that “caused” the break, but the lack of a real relationship.
我们多数人年轻时都有过这样的经历: 恋人被某个更有诱惑力、更有吸引力的人夺去。当时，我们或许怨恨这位入侵者---但是后来长大了，也就认识到了心上人本来就不属于我们。并不是 “入侵者”导致了”决裂，而是缺乏坚实的感情基础。
On the surface, many marriages seem to break up because of a “third party”. This is, however, a psychological illusion. The other woman or the other man merely serves as a pretext for dissolving a marriage that had already lost its essential integrity.
Nothing is more futile and more self-defeating than the bitterness of spurned love, the vengeful feeling that someone else has “come between” oneself and a beloved. This is always a distortion of reality, for people are not the captives or victims of others---they are free agents, working out their own destinies for good or for ill.
因失恋而痛苦，因别人“插足”于自己与心上人之间而图报复，是最没有出息、最自作自受的乐。这歪曲了事实真相，因为人,并非他人的 “俘虏”或 “牺牲品”,都是自由的, 命运是好是坏，都应该由自己做主。
But the rejected lover or mate cannot afford to believe that his beloved has freely turned away from him--- and so he ascribes sinister or magical properties to the interloper. He calls him a hypnotist or a thief or a home-breaker. In the vast majority of cases, however, when a home is broken, the breaking has begun long before any “third party” has appeared on the scene.